From: Tommy the Terrorist Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.science,alt.conspiracy Subject: A New Way To Die For Your Country Date: 28 Apr 1996 03:09:00 GMT Message-ID: <4lungc$10j6@piglet.cc.uic.edu> Two U.S. Marines, John Mayfield and Josheph Vlacovsky, recently distinguished themselves by having the bravery to stand up against, and thereby bring to the attention of the world to, a demand by the Department of Defense that they consent to have their DNA samples added to a military database. The DOD claims this database, including records of all U.S. military personnel, is solely for the purpose of identifying the bits and pieces they find on the battlefield. But then again, they have also agreed to furnish material to criminal investigators. What else might they intend with it? Thanks to Mayfield and Vlacovsky, the DOD has agreed to destroy individual samples upon request when that person leaves the armed forces. They have also agreed to restrict the data from other than corpse identification and criminal investigation. The question remains, however, as to whether people trust them on this point. * * * Speculation follows... * * * Dr. Dreadalus, in his continuing research with the NSA, has come across an interesting way to gather support from ailing officials. He has developed a mass-production approach in which PCR is performed directly upon a stack of slot blots of DNA samples, allowing him to recognize a specific form of a given gene with certainty. He has designed his hybridization chamber to accommodate, oh, about 30,000 samples at a time --- which isn't really all that difficult or expensive, considering the resources available to *military* researchers. The Department of Justice is, of course, most interested in his ability to use this apparatus to quickly screen genes expressed in the nervous system to determine whether specific isoforms or deletions correspond to soldiers with disciplinary problems, particularly those which cannot readily be detected ahead of time, such as those individuals willing to report atrocities committed on the battlefield. These can then be screened for by military authorities, insurers, and employers to ensure a society free of unexpected surprises. Dreadalus has, however, found an even simpler and more lucrative application for his new technology. An exact tissue match occurs, on average, about with about 1 in 30,000 potential donors. Tissue matches may not normally rely on DNA-based tests, but each of the genes involved *could* be tested on this basis, if that is what was available. Thus, Dreadalus now possesses the capability to *find* a suitable tissue match for an ailing Senator or Congressman, or important officials and contractors for the NSA, such as, for example, Dreadalus. The tissue match will be alive and in good health (one hopes, unless our military training has really gone downhill!), and he needs merely to be sent away on a Special Mission, from which his body, complete with fictitious organ donation papers, will be returned to an unsuspecting Army surgeon for organ retrieval. There is very little that a corrupt public official (sorry for the redundancy) will not do in order to stay alive. Dreadalus expects to have no trouble with research grants for the rest of his life. Special Note: (Dedicated to Mike Holloway...) --- nothing here should be taken to criticize the legitimate use of genetic testing and organ donation in the course of normal medical procedure for the purpose of improving patient health in accordance with voluntary choice.