The Chalice of Ecstacy
Being a Formula of Open-ended Initiation Suited for this
AEon Based upon a merger of the Tree of Perfection with the Cup
of Babalon under the Auspices of Jupiter Promulgated by Frater
PVN, Master of Forbidden Alchemies -->by no Authority, other
than his own<-- During 3 different opera during the first
pentad of Arachnae of this year (May 16-21, 1984 e.v.) the fleeting
images which usually follow VIIIo orgasm were `blacked-out' by
an overwhelming vision which began with Don Karr's Tree of Perfection.
In earlier work with his Tree, there had been a strong tendency
for it to `evolve' gradually (yet purpose- fully) into the Jovian
Tree of expansion (Kether=Pluto, Chokmah=Uranus, Neptune=Binah,
Daa"th=Jupiter,Chesed=Venus, Geburah=Mercury, Tiphereth=
Sol, Netzach=Mars, Hod=Saturn, Yesod=Luna), with an ensuing melt-down
of the Paths into marbelized colored wax matrix as Jupiter went
`Nova' and became a star. The meltdown of the Paths `imbedded'
the Sephiroth into the `backdrop' of the Universal continuity,
while interconnecting each sphere to every other sphere by all
the Paths. But in these 3 opera, the transition was abrupt & without
any hint of progression (like switching energy states by means
of a quantum leap). What happened next was common to all 3 visions,
but the detail of resolution of the vision has improved with
repitition. First: Jove/Daa"thgoes `nova' & becomes a self-luminous
body. Its color is Royal blue rayed with filaments of fine orangey
gold which emmanate as fine spider-webbed strands from the center
of the Sphere & progressively become twisted snake-like pseudopods
which extend beyond the boundary of the Sphere of Daa"thto
touch the marbelized back-drop of Paths (very lightly, like a
spider testing her web for distant thrummings). Second: The sun
turns brilliant lemon-yellow with a network of royal purple strands
(much like Jove's strands, but much finer in texture). Luna becomes
a grail-shaped crescent of electric ultra-violet. Saturn becomes
so black it looks more like a void than a color. Mars becomes
a bright blood-red. Venus becomes an iridescent Kelly green while
Mercury becomes a rich glowing psychedelic pumpkin orange. Third:
The Tree then begins to fold over itself & take on a palpable
three-dimensionality. The upper 4 Sephiroth fold outward, so
that the plane which defines them lies perpendicular to the axis
of the Tree. Each of these 4 spheres becomes an irridescent narcotic
gemstone on the rim of a celestial chalice. Kether becomes a
brilliant white star (Sothis), Uranus becomes a `justified' higher
vibration of Mercury (feminine emphatic androgyne whose anus
has been filled with the semen of his children) & becomes a shining
pearl [i.e., Uranus who ate his children becomes your-anus who
receives the seed of his children in joy]. The sterile mother
at Binah becomes the three-pronged transmitter of the energies
of the Trident of Set. Each of her prongs is tipped with a jewel
(ruby, emerald & a royal blue stone) of the same crystaline composition.
Sol becomes the point at which the bowl of the chalice joins
the stem. Venus & Mercury become twin serpents which emmanate
from Sol (like distended sperm) & encircle the inner surface
of the bowl 3-1/2 times The between Sol & the rim of the cup.
Looking down on the rim, Mercury spirals deosil & touches the
rim twixt Jove & Uranus; Venus spirals widdershins & meets the
rim twixt Sothis & Neptune. Sol then elongates into a pillar
of yellow fire with a surface network of royal purple `veins'
which distends downward to touch the Lunar Crescent. The Lunar
Crescent then moves up thru the Sun & into the bowl of the challice,
where it atomizes into a vaporous electrical dew, the color of
the light transmitted by a Wratten 18A filter (infra-red + ultra-violet,
with no visible light transmitted). Saturn & Mars move inward
to stand beside the pillar of fire like the red & black testicles
of the Maha lingam. The marbelized paths become the shell of
the body of the chalice -- providing passive background support
& communication among all of the Sephiroth. The rim of the chalice
then begins to vibrate (like a wet finger rubbed along the rim
of a crystal goblet filled with fine wine) as a `mating call'
to those who would drink from the cup of initiation. The black
Saturnian testicle represents the in-drawing of sexual power
during periods of silence, while the red Martial testicle represents
the outward surge of spontaneous orgasm during periods of speech.
The golden phallus transmits both of these energies to the cup
of Babalon, where it is structured & directed by the twin haploid
lion-serpents (Mercury & Venus) within the menstruum of the trans-Abysal
Lunar `fluid', called Purpura of Ghee -- a specialized form of
Azoth. The royal road (purple network on the solar Maha-Lingam)
absorbs a portion of the Purpura of Ghee for the education & enlightenment
of the red and black testicles (whose Office is to wear masks
of imbalance upon the outer). Who (Hu?) is to drink from this
chalice of ecstacy? Certainly not he who channeled its contents
thru the Spheres of the outer Order. Certainly not she who refined
the elixir by means of the feminine & masculine principles of
Alchemy and concentrated it within the cup of Babalon. We are
often warned of the dire consequences if the Whore of Babalon
drinks from her own cup. Who is to drink from this Chalice? Is
it reserved for the Gods alone, or are there also certain classes
of mere mortals who may safely imbibe its contents as well? The
Whore of Babalon shares her cup with all, for she knows that
no man may taste of its hidden delights save thru the purity
of his heart & the transparancy of his soul. The contents of
her cup is the Elixir of Immortality of the Gods, yet it may
be drunk by anyone who is Fool enough to actively seek initiation.
The rim Sephiroth are transmitters/emitters of energy and modes
of specialization. Drink from each in turn, or all at once. The
serpents channel, temper, & skulpt the energy of the cup in accord
with Will. Their venom is deadly, while their kiss is ecstacy.
The aspirant is the Dove who descends upon the cup from beyond
the microcosm of the Alchemist. He (the dove being active in
approach to the Cup is masculine, while the cup of the Chalice
is Feminine) bears the host (the army of his un- tempered desires
& un-tested aspirations) as a token `payment' for a taste of
the dew of immortality. The host transforms the cup even as the
Dove is transformed by her, for initiation is rarely one-way.
* * * More details gained while in half-awake state after a phonecall
awoke me this morning (23 May,`84). I was drifting back to sleep
when images of the Chalice of Ecstacy worked their way into my
consciousness. I saw that the black & red scrotal Sephiroth were
concentrations derived from the Jachin/Boaz pillars of the old
Tree. The black sphere of Saturn embodies the essence of Jachin
(God makes him firm) as the outer symbol for the formula of karezza.
In this formula, the male ejaculatory current is reversed & repeated
stimulation causes a Saturnian in-drawing of vital essence from
the trans-Abyssal cup to nourish the Will. The red sphere of
Mars is the embodiment of Boaz (eagerness, strength) which represents
the spontaneous & auto-motive orgasm which is beyond the conscious
control of the Alchemist. Together they symbolize the formula
of IT (the un-manifest & manifest phallus) -- see Crowley's comments
on the Book of Lies. I then began to see the Chalice on other
levels. The Chalice of Ecstacy is the fruit of the Tree of initiation
which is also a map of the esoteric nervous system of the Magus.
To those `outside' of the Magus's Universe, the Chalice appears
very feminine & passive (for they are unable to perceive the
dynamic Yin/Yang inner workings of the scrotum & Lingam). The
aspirant is the male dove whe comes to drink the nectar of transformation.
Thus, the members of the outer Order are men, while the aspirants
to the inner Order are women. Those who have attained to the
inner Order embody both the Masculine virtues of the Outer Order,
& the Feminine virtues of the Second Order. The members of the
trans-Abyssal Third Order seek always for further initiation.
They work continuously to integrate new initiations into the
fabric of their beings. They are ever ready to offer what they
have to those aspirants who desire to drink of their Cup. The
members of the Third Order are divine gynanders -- those feminine
emphatic androgynes who embody the quintessence of the Alchemical
Marriage. The substance of their Chalice is their uniqueness
which sets each of them apart from other members of the Third
Order. The contents of the Chalice is a distillation of Azoth
-- the Universal Solvent. The body of the Alchemist must be inert
to to the actions of the Purpura of Ghee, else it will disolve
in ecstacy & cease to manifest as a unique entity. However, the
Alchemist seeks always to expose h-im/er-self to the Azoth of
other Chalices in the hope that s/he may attain disolution. The
dynamic balance of the testicles of Jachin & Boaz are crucial
to this on-going task. The developing symbolism in these visions
is wonderous to me, yet its practical application seems so obvious
to me that I feel I must be missing something. But, in the interest
of completeness, allow me to belabor the obvious. The lower 2
spheres are a specialized application of the energies of Mars
& Saturn to the task of Sexual Alchemy using the formulae of
IT & Solvae et Coagula. The Golden phallus of Tiphareth is the
ego of the Alchemist made firm thru divine inspiration & nourished
by the absorbtion of a portion of the elixir thru the purple
nerve-net over its external surface. The body of the chalice
is the pyramid of the Master, turned inside-out to offer the
dew of immortality to all, rather than secreting it away like
a black brother. The twin lion-serpents (Mercury & Venus) are
the active (initiate) masculine & feminine componants of the
Alchemist which act as independent self-motivated agents of the
aspiring Ego (the Star in its go-ing). The supernals (including
Daa"th)delineate the specialized nature of the cup of initiation
which the Magus offers to the world (i.e., h-is/er specialized
Magickal Current), while the Chalice is filled with the Universal
solvent which initiates all who dare to imbibe it. The Chalice
is the glyph for both the Wand & the Cup. Its rim is studded
with the four elements and is thus the embodiment of the integrated
Magickian. The Chalice is both the Tree of Life & the Cup of
Babalon. It is the 3rd Order's symbol for that which is called
the Rosey- Cross by the Second Order. Aspirants to the Third
Order are warned never to drink from the Cup of Babalon, yet
the Magi of the Third Order subsist almost exclusively upon its
contents. Because of the universal nature of the Chalice's elixir,
an aspirant will rarely become a Master in the image of his initiator.
The contents of the Chalice is the precursor to information (DNA,
initiation into a specific Magickal Current, etc.), rather than
information itself. Purpura of Ghee is infinitely transmutable
by the Will of the aspirant in his journey from student to Ipsissimus,
and is (in this AEon) not influ- enceable by the Will of the
initiator. This is a radical departure from previous AEons in
which the Master dictated & controlled the development of initiation
within the body/soul of the Aspirant. In the previous AEon, the
formula for the Master was the pyramid, symbolizing the containment
& the metering-out of the elixir of immortality. The primamry
vice of Masters who work the formula of the pyramid is Simony
-- the restriction of initiation for personal gain (acquisition
of wealth; consolidation of power over others who posses contrary
world-views; centralization & control-over prophesy/inspira-
tion; and the promulgation of unimpeachable dogma). The restriction
of initiation to pre-defined channels profits the power elite
at the expense of the Magickal Current itself. Corruption of
the Alchemical Chalice is the universal result of mis-application
of the formula of the Pyramid. A sure sign of such corruption
is the silencing of those who question authority (censorship
of non-traditional views, excommunication of heretics or removing
them from positions of authority, or {in extreme cases} torture
& murder of those who dare to ignore the promulgations of the
power elite. Those whose Will is to work with the Chalice of
Ecstacy have vowed to release all aspirants from any/all requirements
of patriotic fealty to us personally, to the Will of our particular
Current, and to any dogmas associated with our Magickal Path.
As initiators, we are an open channel of inspiration for all
who drink from our cup. We may offer specialized initiations
&/or courses of training, but it is up to each seeker to
make of these initiations what he will. We do our Will consciously
and with full responsibility for all of our actions and our non-actions.
We do not hide our ignorance behind the veil of secrecy, neither
do we play the role of humble servents who do but `follow the
Will of the Secret Chiefs'. Obligations between any student or
neophyte & any Master or Magus are always open to discussion,
and can have no `hidden strings' attached to them. But this does
not mean that Masters are obligated to devote their lives to
training students with no recompense. Workers in any field of
endeavor (be it magick, medicine, architecture, or aught else)
are deserving of compensation for their efforts. An under-study,
chela or apprentice must expect to carry-out certain tasks &/or
pay certain fees in exchange for training. As in more mundane
apprenticeships, the exact nature of the exchange is open to
discussion at any point along the Path. Apprenticeship training
replaces the life-long indentured servitude to enshrined Dogma
which has long been the hallmark of the pyramidal centralization
of power practiced in the previous AEon. Magical Orders which
continue to be based upon the closed systems of the previous
AEon will undoubtedly oppose our efforts to cause the pyramid
to flower. As we find more & more ways to drink from their cups
of initiation without becoming bound to their obligations, our
success will be a proof to all who are drawn to us. There are
those who claim that it is not possible to drink from any cup
of initiation of the previous AEon without being bound to its
obligations. They choose to discard all ties with the pyramidal
Orders in order to forge links of their own with the inner Order.
In some cases, it may not be possible for individuals to absolve
themselves of their obligations to repressive Orders without
abnegating all initiation in the process. However, in most instances
the ingenious initiate is fully capable of freeing h-im/er-self
from the restrictive bonds of pyramidal Orders without breaking
any oaths. The demonstration of the proof of this theorem is
left as an exercise for those who aspire to Mastership thru the
use of this formula. Previous AEons have been governed by a LOGOS,
or Word which when uttered by the Ipsissimus of the AEon served
to mold all Currents of that AEon to the pattern of the LOGOS.
The previous AEonic formula was that of Patriarchy. Assertion
of the right of man to rule woman was practiced in China as much
as it was by the Church of Rome. The Matriarchal AEon before
that was little different, save in the `flavor' of its Dogma.
However, in this AEon, those who have thus far attained the right
to utter the LOGOS of the AEon have refused to do so. Those who
have become Masters in this AEon are therefore bound to no particular
AEonic formula, but are free to work with whatever formula(e)
is/are aligned with the Current which it is their Will to transmit/reify.
At this nexus of Space/Time/Alternity there is healthy competition
among myriad non-exclussive AEonic formulae, with much cross-fertiliza-
tion among heretofore contradictory Currents. But cross-initiation
is strictly voluntary and is not neccessitated by the LOGOS of
this AEon. Specialized Currents often require isolation & silence
to incubate in fullness. During incubation, they may appear to
be practicing the dis- eased isolation of the black brothers.
However, such may not be the case. Only time & the success or
failure of a particular formula can attest to its efficacy. We
are in an AEon where everyone can aspire to his/her own LOGOS.
Let us do so in concert with all of our fellow Magi. finis. Here
begins the entry in Frater OTz PTN--690/PVN's Magickal Record
for TUESDAY the 08th Day of MAY, 1984 e.v.,
Moon being 8.0 Days old. [1:30pm] Do what thou wilt shall be
the whole of the Law. On my little excursion the other night
I met a deer. It may have been a stag, but I am not sure because
I think that the stags lose their horns this time of year. It
was on the road & I stopped the car. We sniffed each other out
& touched noses, before the deer decided that it had better things
to do. My meeting with the deer was exhilirating, but did little
to quiet my restlessness. When I returned from the store, I went
to bed. Not much dream memories on Sunday morning, except at
the very end of my sleep. My dream crystal had gone-off by itself
& was inaccessable to my physical self. I `found' the crystal
(on Monday night) wedged between my matress & the wall -- in
a place where I know I had searched for it a few days earlier.
Now that it has returned from its journey. I now have regained
much strong consciousness of my dream life. I often wonder where
crystals `go' when they seemingly evaporate from this reality.
Oh Shinnah says they are `hiding', but I feel that there is more
to the mystery than simple pranks. Such mysteries need more information.
In the meantime, here is what I remember of my Sunday morning
dream. In my dream I was on the sandy shore of a great sea. Long
grass grew in the sand. There was an old temple, seemingly abandonded,
surrounded by unkempt lawns & gardens. Wild goats grazed the
grass & a stag (the one I met on the way to town?) stood off
on a nearby hilltop. I attempted to walk to the temple, but the
grass restrained my legs & prevented me from approaching any
closer. The restraint was not the mindless tangle of earthly
vegetation, but the cooperative effort of many simple minds working
cooperatively for a distinct purpose (like ants or cluster flies).
The grass did not halt me when I retreated back to the shoreline.
Then I noticed that whenever a goat entered the sea, it turned
into a fish -- not all at once, but front to back. The goat would
go to the edge of the water & kneel its forelegs down & put its
face & front end in the water. As the wet portions turned into
a fish, it would thrust-off from the beach with its hindlegs
(like a man launching a dingy from a beach) & complete the transition.
The entire operation was both fast & smooth, with no akwardness
or hesitation. All that was left of the goat was a beard & curly
horns on the fish. Fish were also coming out of the sea. First
they would approach the beach from underwater & beach themselves
with their heads held high out of the water. As the gentle waves
retreated from their bodies, their heads & forelegs became those
of goats. The goats would then pull themselves onto the beach
with their forelegs & (once out of the sea) the transition would
be completed. Although the goats & fish were of vastly different
size, the transition did not look in the least bit ludicrous
or implausable. These goat-fish reminded me more of Neptune than
of Capricorn as I watched their actions. I then remembered Don's
Tree & its attribution of Neptune to Binah. I wished I could
remember which 3 Paths accessed this Realm in Don's system so
I could look for clues of the gateways. I looked up at the Sea
& saw a far-off island with a mountain of crystal enshrouded
in mists. A large metallic gold Trident seemed to `grow' out
of the peak of the mountain like some sort of Atlantean sky-
scaper. The symbol reminded me of the "Wealth Crystalizes
the Humm / the Humm Crystalizes Wealth" sigil I have been
using in my VIIIo workings. I was intrigued by the island & wanted
to journey there to explore it, but (since other mysteries lay
closer to hand) I was far more interested in getting to the abandoned
temple. Somehow I knew that I was respons- ible for holding myself
back from reaching it. I somehow felt `to blame' for its state
of dis-repair & abandonment. The state of the temple grounds
was particularly disturbing to me. I knew I needed peace within
myself before further exploration would be possible, so I sat
down to discover answers thru meditation. As I sat down in the
grass to meditate on my place in all of this, the grass gently
picked me up & transported me to the entranceway of the temple.
In some ways, I felt honored to be treated so regally by the
noble grass, yet I also somehow expected such treatment because
of my rank <"& the angels bear him up, lest he dash
his foot against a stone">. As I was borne to the temple
on the backs of the grass, I became more & more at peace with
myself. I was still troubled by why I should feel responsible
for a place which I had never seen before, so I followed the
thread of my dis-ease. At first I thought that my link with this
temple might be cause-&- effect via my physical home -- that
is to say, I felt that this place was allegorical of the state
of dis-repair & lack of maintainance which I accord to my physical
dwelling. But I somehow felt that the link was not so straightfoward.
Somehow the 2 temples are analagous, but neither is allegorical
of the other. It is not my present task to maintain the earth
(physical plane) at this nexus of Space/Time, for I am a storyteller
whose task is to explore the realms of vision & report-back to
the rest of the race -- but this could change in an instant if
I chose to undertake a different aspect of the Great Work. The
apparant crumbling of both of these temples is but an illussion
based upon a skewness to my perspective. Even as I look at both
temples more closely (for I can peceive both levels of reality
at once), their integrity seems more wholesome & I am more & more
at peace with the dance of Maya. I am in an open temple -- not
much more than a courtyard paved with large stones, with widely-spaced
pillars supporting a high vesica shaped roof. Near the center
of the temple (at one of the elipse's foci) stands a very large
shallow grail (like a large birdbath {aprox.5 ft. across} made
of polished stone {black marble veined gold) balanced on a short
pedastal shaped like a golden mushroom. The cup is far too large
& unwieldy to lift, but it nonetheless has a pair handles made
of goat horn. As I approach the cup, it appears to be filled
to the brim with a seething efervescant broth which both attracts
and repells me at the same time. As I focused on why I should
not drink the potion (the contents of the cup of Babalon is not
for consumption by mortal men), the more I wanted to drink of
it. It smelled sweet & invigorating & I somehow knew that this
cup contained the dew of immortality. But the more I focused
on why I should drink the brew (this is my dream & I can do whatever
I please in my own fantasy world), the more repulsive the cup
became. Its contents smell of vomit & decay and I saw both maggots
& turds floating on its surface. The goats & the stag were watching
me curiously from the perimeter of the temple. I looked toward
the stag & noticed that he was standing by a circular staircase
which wound around one of the columns up to the roof. I looked
up at the high roof & saw that directly over the grail was a
yonic opening decorated with pearls. I climbed the stairs & walked
out on the high roof. A gentle breeze was blowing & the whole
temple swayed I went to the edge of the yoni (it was even
more ornately decorated along the top edge) & knelt at a kind
of bench which suspended me over the hole. The bench has padded
depressions for my knees & elbows. The whole affair pivots with
changes in my body weight to shift me from a kneeling position
at the edge of the hole, to hanging face-down over the center
of the hole. I knew that the bench responds to the slightest
shift in my center of gravity & is therefore much more atuned
to my Will than my conscious actions (much like a dowser's forked
stick or pendulum). I knew that my Will would either bring me
back to the safety of the roof, or dump me into the grail (from
a height of 100 meters), and my conscious fears &/or struggles
would only hinder my chances of survival. So I relaxed & enjoyed
the view. The grail was tiny below me, yet I could still see
it quite clearly. Its roiling contents looked absolutly repulsive.
Yet, the odor drifting up to me was absolutly enchanting. I knew
that if I closed my eyes, the seductive quality of the odors
would lure me to `let go' and I would slide down into its depths.
Such a fate wauld not really be very terrible, for the intoxication
of being the cup is a great reward for those whe seek a release
from the trials & tribulations of this world. However, I have
much I still need to explore, & release from my task is not my
Will at this point in time. Then I remembered Jason & how he
was able to listen to the sounds of the Sirens & live. I stared
at the hellbroth & focused on its repellant nature & my revulsion
quickly shifted the bench out of the oriface & back up to the
roof. I took off my traveler's pack & used its straps to secure
my legs to the bench. Then I allowed myself to shift foward over
the hole once again. I closed my eyes & drank-in the narcotic
allure of the grail with my nose. I felt myself slipping foward,
but I no longer cared whether I lived or died. I simply sought
union with tho object of my desire. When I felt the tug of the
straps around my ankles, I knew that my scheme had worked. I
hang suspended between the worlds. Behind my closed eyelids I
saw a mist. Fleeting images scampered by at the direction of
my unconscious urgings. I tried an experiment. I `projected'
the Cheshire cat from Alice onto the mist. The face appeared
first, then the rest of its body. The cat spoke to me "Ah
Dodson, it has been a long time hasn't it?" I chuckled & the
cat became startled when it realized that I was not Dodson. It
then peered at me intently & turned into the hookah smoking catipilar
who asked "Who are you?" I smiled back & returned
the question "Yea, verily HU??" (by this time, I was
quite giddy from the fumes of the grail below & was quite willing
to make puns on who/HU in order to test the catipillar's reactions).
The catipillar was not pleased at my blasphemic punning & began
to menace me with venomous mandibles. I opened one eye to superimpose
the image of the grail upon the catipillar. He shrieked in terror
& begged be to close my eye, lest he plunge to extinction. I
acquiesced he became most intrigued at how I managed to maintain
that precarious position of illusion. I chuckled & told him of
how I tied my ankles to the bench. He was most impressed & gave
me a token whereby I might pass thru the realm of the red queen
un-molested. [the token looked like one of those brass coins
used at video arcades instead of real money to minimize pilfering.]
He then offered me a bit of the mushroom which he was sitting
on. [I placed it into my flask to add to my in-vitro entheogens
for the up-com- ing gathering.] He asked me again who I was & I
told him that I had many names in many places, but did not really
know how to answer him in a way which would not be misleading.
It was the catipillar's turn to chuckle now. He looked deep into
my soul & saw that I was indeed a Thelemic pilgrim on a nameless
quest. He then took on the form of the Cheshire cat once again
& decalared that I must be one of the wizards of Oz he has heard
so much about. Then I awoke in my bed, with only scant memories
of the dream. It is amazing how the writing of a dream will cause
me to re-live it & thereby aid me to retell it. The peculiar
weave of tenses from past to present & back to past again in
retelling the tale is an indication of the complex weave of retelling
the tale & re-living it. The weave would be even more complex
had I not consciosly attempted to keep it all `in the past'.
Were this a prorer story (rather than a diary entry) I would
probably re-write the whole tale in the present tense to add
immediacy & impact for the reader. Experiencing of dream while
awake is most unlike the dream while asleep. While asleep, each
conscious choice opens certain possibilities, while closing others
(either I swam to the trident mountain or I went to the temple
of the grail, but not both at the `same' time), but in my wakeful
state, I can see that all pathways remain open no matter which
set of choices I make at any given juncture. Each dream is infinite
& what I report in this record is but the smallest fragment of
what has actually transpired. I follow those threads which seem
most interesting or the most entertaining. But all alse is equally
valid. Structured initiation seems to be involved with making
a continuous set of choices leading to a particular `goal' (usually
predetermined by tradition or the guidance of an external guide).
At the moment, I have no particular goal in sight. I simply explore
-- & create in my explorations. On one level I know that immersion
in the grail means an end of my consciousness. Yet, on another
(equally valid) level I know that the grail is simply a portal
(possibly one-way) to another world (possiblly another Sephiroth).
For now, I use the power of this Grail to reify dreams, but soon
I must use it to bring such dreams back to this plane so that
I can continue my work without interferance. * * * Here begins
the entry in Frater OTz PTN--690/PVN's Magickal Record for WEDNESDAY,
the 09th Day of MAY, 1984 e.v., Moon
being 8.05 Days old. [2:35pm] Do what thou wilt shall be the
whole of the Law. Troubled night with tumultuous dreams. Even
though I feel worn-out & bedraggled, I do feel better. Fear
of wrestling with a dragon is always so much worse than the actual
wrestling match. Dream images lack full clarity, but they feel
powerful. I shall dip back down into them to see what I can draw-forth
I am in a very large mansion (which is also a fancy hotel) with
Anne & a man whom I do not know. He is a friend (or lover) of
Anne's. I am somewhat uncomfortable for Anne seems to want me
to leave, yet she also wants mo to stay. We are in a huge bathroom
with a bath tub enclosed with glass doors. The tub is big enough
for several people. Anne does not want me to bathe with her,
yet she keeps telling me that I need to take a bath & I "had
better hurry". I see a second bathtub. It appears to belong
to the people at the health club next door. I begin to close
the door to the health club (for solitude & for quiet when a
brown pussycat wants to come in. I fear a fight between this
cat & Beezelbub (our cat) so I continue to close the door. A
young man assures me that their mascot is very friendly & will
cause no problems. I let the cat in. In another aspect of the
dream I am talking with one of the permamant residents of this
house. He is a stereotypical English Lord of some sort. He asks
me what connection I have to "the family". I tell him
that we share a common ancestor & that my father's uncle is his
uncle's father. He looks a bit bewildered & then beams at me
& exclaims that I must be related to the "ship's Pharoh",
by which he means the ancient ship chronometer which has been
missing for quite a number of years. Although I do not see how
I can be a descendant of a clock, I reply in the affirmative
(for it does have a ring of truth to it). In the big bathroom
is a large glass bell, made of a thick blue glass which makes
a marvelous tone when struck with a leather headed wodden mallet.
The bell is shaped like a squid & is about 4 ft. long. When I
am preparing my bath (on the athletic club's side of the bathroom)
I see that someone (Anne??) has made a mess of the big bath tub.
All the glass panels are askew & water is leaking everywhere.
I attempt a fix, but I really do not understand how the varios
panels & curtain rods go together. Anne is upset with me for
attempting to fix "her project". I leave her to her
own devices to take my bath. I am saddened by our interactions,
but am unable to find a workable solution other than steering
clear of her until she does what needs doing. I find a second
glass bell like unto the first. But this one has a broken mouth
& has been drilled out to accept various electric wires & lamp
fixtures. This bell is sentient & is viscious towards me. It
keeps biting me about the hands. I find a stick & place in in
the bell's mouth to give it something to chew on. Its visciousness
subsides. Perhaps it was only teething. I am down by the waterfront
in a poverty neighborhood frequented by sailors, smugglers, hookers,
& cut-purses. It is foggy. I cannot see the water, although I
hear it lapping against the nearby pier. I am here to meet a
sailor who may have information about the ancient chronometer
which I seek. I describe the device to him without naming it.
"It is a squat vertical cylinder made of brass sitting on
a platform meant to be bolted in place in the wheelhouse. It
is covered by a deep parabolic glass dome te protect it from
the weather. It has no clock hands like a modern chrono- meter,
but has a series of perforated metal disks thru which one sights
the stars. The perforated disks are attached to the vertical
side of the central cylinder tangent to its curved surface."
The sailor immediatly knew that I was describing the Pharoh.
He had once (long ago) been on the ship which relied on the Pharoh
to guide it, but the ship had sunk. He thought the Pharoh had
been taken off the wreck & brought to Castle Trident atop the
crystal mountain. The sun had been rising as we spoke. The mists
began to clear & I saw the island from my previous dream. I knew
where I was & I knew that I was in dreamland. I took the blue
glass bell (the one with the broken mouth & electric wiring)
from under my trenchcoat, unwrapped it & placed it in the sea.
It turned into a blue bottle dolphin who began to swim round
& round the bay, making the most musical sounds I had ever heard.
The water soon frothed & seethed with activity as hundreds of
dolphins congregated to hear the tale of the dolphin who had
been turned into a bell & then a lamp. One of the dolphins approached
me & began to speak. I could not understand her words so I spat
into her open mouth (a trick I once The learned from the King
of Serpents). The dolphin immediatly understood my intentions
& spat back into my mouth. We then kissed deeply & I became sexually
arroused. She drew me into the water & we became as one. While
we fucked, she dove deep into the sea & lept high into the air.
We both climaxed together & lay together on the surface of the
gentle sea. Other members of her clan communicated our combined
elixir from her vagina with their tongues. As we now spoke a
common tongue, my lover asked me how I came to their harbor & whence
I was going. I told her of the crystal mountain & of the Pharoh
I hoped to find in Castle Trident. She asked if I could swim
to the island & I asked her how far away the island was from
the bay. She replied that her people went there often when men
fished the shore of the great sea (to avoid competing with them
for fish). The trip usually took her people 13 days. I replied
that I was able to swim for several hours at a time, but such
a trip was beyond my endurance. I asked her about those who live
on the island (their race, temperment, etc.) and whether they
had regular commerce with the men of this port. She replied that
the beings who lived on that central island kept to themselves,
but were not hostile to anyone. They did not fish the sea, neither
did they engage in commerce, save to deal with certain ships
which regularly brought them unusual items in return for life-restoring
unguents & potions. Dolphin sonar does not work above water & their
eyesight is poor, so she was unable to give me much information
about the race which lived on the island. She offered to transport
me there, but as I needed dry passage for the Pharo, I declined
her kind offer. I asked her if any of the ships which traded
with the island were now in port & she pointed one out to me.
I went back to the mansion to bid my goodbyes & to seek out the
old Lord to ask him about Castle Trident. He informed me that
the only way to gain acces to the castle was to bring a rare
object to trade with them. None had ever seen the lords of Castle
Trident in pepson save their personal messengers (who appeared
to be human). The messengers would not speak of anything but
the business of barter `twixt human & the keepers of the Castle.
I asked if the keepers were honest & what kind of objects they
sought. My cousin told me that the keepers had no interest in
"that which could be purchased for gold or obtained by a
common thief". I looked for Anne, but was told that she
had left with first light. Some said that she had traveled inland,
while others told me that she was following a waking vision toward
the Island in the center of the Sea. Armed with this information,
I sought out captain Diogenes of the ship Arestes' Misfortune
in the tavern called the One-Eyed Trout to discuss a plan with
him which would get me to the keepers with a prize which would
enable me to bargain with them face-to-face. Fascinating how
the imagry in my dreams seem to layer one upon the other. What
began as one of those incomprehencable streams of dream images
has resolved itself into another dream in the same cycle as the
other night. I feel like I am still suspended over the cauldron
of dissolution in another part of the same dream, but my consciousness
has moved to a more active aspect of myself so that the seer
can attain the motility of the doer without giving-up the power
of projecting Will into the dream cauldron. I note in passing
that this afternoon a little neighbor girl came by looking for
her lost cat. The description matches the cat in the earlier
portion of my dream. Intriguing how time folds back on itself
in such literal ways in dreamland. Here begins the entry in Frater
OTz PTN--690/PVN's Magickal Record for TUESDAY the 29th Day of
MAY, 1984 e.v., Moon being 29.00
Days old. [1:30pm] Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the
Law. Time to get to my dreams. In one dream, 0-Maku & I were
looking for a cheaper house to live-in. We were selling the apartment
building & the Humm did not have its own place in the country.
0-Maku had located a house which was within our price range ($45,000)
& wanted me to go see it soon so we could put down a purchase
offer. Bill Gafney (our contractor form the apartment house)
overheard our conversation & asked 0-Maku about the location
of the house. When she described the place to him, he told us
that the house had been purchased less than a year ago by the
present owner for under $3,000 & that he had spent about $4,000
to fix it up. We were both shocked by the extremely low price.
I was determined to offer $7,500 for the house & bargain from
there. Secretly, I wondered what could be wrong with the place.
The house was very small on the outside, but inside, it was a
mansion. It was built into the side of a hill on the edge of
the Long Island Sound. Although the water was far to poluted
to swim-in, it smelled fresh & exhilirating. The bedrooms had
large balconies facing the sea, with spiral concrete railings
like giant snail shells. I was fascinated by a large fireplace
in a room with wrought iron doors with brass handles. It reminded
me very much of a a house I never had. On another level, I suspected
that I was dreaming. I was unable to get to either the basement
or the upper floor. One of the bedrooms was occupied by a teenage
girl who didn't bother to put any clothes on when I came in.
I jokingly asked if she came with the house & she replied that
she prefered to come with people. The real estate woman sighed
& told me that the teenage girl was a nymphomaniac ghost who
was the reason for the extremely low cost of the house, for no
woman could "hold onto her man" with "competition
like this" around all the time. I turned to the spirit of
the house & asked if she were jealous if her male lovers had
other relationships. She replied that she was not in the least
bit possessive or clingy, & that she had no need to compete for
affections. I asked the spirit of the house if she would be willing
to show me past the illussion which shrouded the house like a
veil of cowbwebs. She stood before me in her innocent nakedness
& asked me if I knew who she was. I replied that I did not. She
picked up a quartz crystal from the table beside her bed & gently
rubbed it in the dew between her legs. She handed the crystal
to me & told me to do "whatever came naturally". I
smiled at her reverentially & sniffed the crystal's electric
wetness. The scent of it made my limbs quake. I then kissed the
crystal & drank in its essence. The house & my surroundings disapeared
completely. I was standing with Adrea on the drawbridge of a
large castle carved from crystal. Before us was a delegation
from the castle. They were tall, lean, & very pale (sort of a
yellowy-gray) with high domed bald heads & skeletal hands (with
exadurated digital pads). They looked at me serenly & asked why
I had come to them. I asked what they knew of the changes in
the lower Tree. They smiled serenly, nodded to one another, &
invited me to enter the castle gates. Adrea & I followed our
guides into the palace as our human companions brought in our
precious cargo. As we walked, Adrea gave me a candy to calm my
nerves & focus me into this reality. The `candy' was a small
emerald which had been bathed in the dew of her crotch. As the
`candy' dissolved in my mouth, the reality of the Crystal Castle
also dissolved. I remembered (& began to re-live) my quest for
a captain & a good ship to sail me to the crystal island & the
Trident castle. After convincing the captain that I really knew
of a way to procure the Gateway of the Cup of Dreams, we set-sail
for the abandonded temple guarded by the goat-fish & the grass
of the AEons. That other aspect of me was still suspended over
the Gateway when we arrived. He dreamed of our coming & thus
made our passage easy. When we arrived, none of the ship's company
would dare approach the Gateway, even though the grass allowed
our passage. They all feared the seductive nature of the Grail
& the one-way nature of that Gateway. I went to the roof alone,
& pulled my other self back from his place of dreaming. As always,
he awoke without protest & greeted me cheer- fully. He addressed
me as his uncle & asked if his cousin Sue would be joining us.
I laughed at his strange perspective as we climbed down from
the roof & approached the Grail. We called to the captain & crew
to join us, but they were still afraid. A great red bull who
walked like a man came from the fields & stood with us at the
Grail. My nephew knew him as BAJ & introduced us to each other.
All began to shift as memories tumbled over one another. I had
a difficult time sorting-out who `I' was. BAJ laughed loudly
at our/my consternation & reached into the Grail to remove a
fist-sized pearl which had floated to the surface. He pointed
at my younger self & stated "For this working, thou art
AIR, starry-eyed gazer upon the Mysteries NU. None doubt your
visions, yet most council against their too-hasty application".
He pointed at himself & continued "I am the Child of Earth,
the God of all pleasures physical. For this role have I studied
hard. Let it be hoped that the time is now as propitious as our
young friend believes!" Pointing at me, he sighed "For
better or worse, thou art the Fire Carrier of divine inspiration.
Thou art lazy, obstinant & unreasonably impractical. Thou art
able to see thru the visions & fables of your younger self,"
[pointing to AIR] "but (for the most part), choose not to
-- for the sake of Art! In thy hands is the power to bargain
for the fate of an AEon. Your dis-connectedness to the consequences
of your actions keeps you honest, though I do wish the task at
hand permitted us to unify our consciouness more fully. "
"And this", he stated with much ceremony, as he held
up the dewy pearl, "is our externalized Emotional self --
the unbalanced symbol for our quest of internalized stability,
and (for us) the key to an end of the cycles of AEons."
The pearl began to grow & to glow. It left the hand of Earth
& took her place at the Western Gate of Heaven. The pearl disolved
in waves of heavenly music & fragrences. Adrea (or Sue {depending
on one's perspective}) became manifest among us. Together we
joined hands around the cauldron & began the spiral dance inward
& outward to absorb the grail & its contents within the fabric
of our being. The viewpoint of this tale shifted again & again.
We became the gems on the rim of the Chalice of Ecstacy. As BAJ,
I channeled energies thru Jupiter at the Throne of Daa"th.
As Adria, I oversaw the mysteries of the Trident of SET from
the Throne of Binah. As my younger self, the dreamer, I wielded
the energies of Uranus, the Magus from the Throne of Chokmah.
As my older self, I channeled the fire of the Gods (Starlight
focused thru Sothis onto Pluto/Yuggoth) from the Throne at Kether.
Yet, all 4 Thrones were equal. None was `above' or `more-advanced-than'
the others. These 4 thrones formulate the rim of the Chalice
of Ecstacy. From below Tiphareth, the upper Tree appears heirarchical,
but such is the illussion caused by the gravitational distortions
of Sol & our own mamallian heritage. I know not where to take
this vision. All is illussion & the more `sense' I try to make
of my images, the more I am biasing my writing with self-generated
drivvel. Semantics & theories & orderly progression of thoughts
seem lost in a sea of nonsense. I project characters outside
of myself in an effort to gain perspective, yet by being in more
than one place at once, I lose all perspective altogether. I
must center. I draw my consciousness to a point & draw it into
the Challice. I am a pearl of brass resting at the bottom of
the Chalice of Ecstacy. The head of my penis protrudes into the
bowl of the cup from `below'. I am at the center of gravity of
this Tree/Chalice, hovering above Tiphareth & below the Supernals.
Venus & Mercury spin their DNA tellegraph/time- travel around
me. I am enmeshed at a locus in time, yet not bound by it. Kenetic
energy = Potential energy, & I am at the fulcrum of the Universe.
The feather of Maat spins on the pan of balance. My breath will
upset the balance. It is not my will to hold back by breath forever.
I have hidden the Logos from my conscious self so I am beyond
the temptation to utter it. I am disgruntled that I do not trust
myself completely. I am tempted to just go back to sleep & forget
the whole thing. Then I remember death, pain & the regret which
comes from dreams which are not permitted to come to fruition.
To often has the race of planet-borne been afraid to dream. Such
fears are all based upon the practical reali- ties of the test
which we have set-up for ourselves. Today is a day of self-induced
beffuddlement. I have broken-off the writing of this entry many
times in an effort to center thru meditation. Yet, the Work-at-Hand
seems to require a splintering of consciousness which does not
lend itself to accurate reporting. My diary entry is cannot help
but be a projection of my lower ego so long as my higher self
is fragmented. But by running my c.p.u. (central processing unit)
in parallel, I gain access to the gestalt which can affect change
as well as simply observe it. I run into Heisenberg's quandry.
Close observation leads to influencing the observed phenomena.
To be more to the point, how can I mutate a framework if I am
internal to that framework. If the experimenter is not impartial,
how can he keep his tinkerings impartial. Of course, he cannot.
I do seek to tinker, yet I also seek to enjoy the fruits of my
tinkerings. Unlike Moses, I seek to enter the Promised Land as
well as guide others to its gates. I am the Gate & the Guardian
thereof, yet I am also that who approaches the Gateway & the
Path on which he strideth. I rant & I rave like a madman, yet
in my madness there is a kind of frenetic calm. I indulge in
non-linear sensory overload in hopes of finding a foot-hold in
a maelstrom. I need to break from this attempt to communicate
in this record. The task of dancing round the Supernal rim of
the Chalice of Ecstacy is more than I can presently handle. I
must shift that task out of linear Space/Time so I do not become
so beffuddled at my alternating perspectives. I focus my conscioussness
as Hadit, wearing the Godform of a brass marble spinning round
the rim of the Chalice of Ecstacy. I will it to slow down & drop
to the bottom of the cup. An aspect of me comes to rest at center,
yet other aspects of me continue to dance round the rim. I shall
bury my head in some computer math books & then try to get some
sleep. I shall report again when I am more collected. Love is
the law, love under will. Here ends the entry in the Magickal
Record of Frater OTz PTN-690/PVN for WEDNESDAY, the 30th Day
of MAY, 1984 e.v., [3:45am] Being the 9th Day of ATHYR, Year
4,753 (Sothic reckoning) finis. * * * Here begins the entry in
Frater OTz PTN--690/PVN's Magickal Record for THURSDAY, the 31th
Day of MAY, 1984 e.v., Moon being
00.97 Days old. [1:30am] Do what thou wilt shall be the whole
of the Law. Strange convolutions yesterday. I am much more centered
in the here-&- now today. Peraps some words of explanation
are in order here (although I must admit that I am tempted to
simply delete yesterday's entry & invoke the Godform of Harpocrates!).
The initiatory cycle which I am currently working in pertains
to a Grade which I am not really able to manifest yet. The formulae
which are spin-offs from the Working are communicable to all
& are applicable to the here-&-now. But when I attempt to
tap-into the initiatory process itself, I become lost (un-sane),
especially when attempting to be both `in my body' as a witness
to the event & `up the planes' where the initiatory cycle is
actually occurring. It is very difficult for me to be an `objective'
reporter, when the initiation is occurring in an arena where
objects (such as myself) do not really exist & even the act of
observation itself becomes an impedement to the smoothe flow
of the Working. Rather than attempt accurate `reporting' on what
transpires (or will transpire) during that initiatory cycle,
let me simply mention one of its more disturbing (to me anyway)
corolaries. Whether my observations are valid within the context
of this AEonic formula, I know not. Suffice to say that if/when
the Chalice of Ecstacy is functioning properly. the upper realms
of the Tree (Kether, Chokmah, Binah, & Daa"th)cease to behave
like seperate entities & become much more like self-reinforcing
energy fields (perhaps like Nuit's "non-atomic continuity").
Distinctions in Time/Space/Heirarchy become very blurred. The
Offices associated with these Spheres are co-valent rather than
distinct thrones in a heirerarchal structure. From my limited
perspective I experienced each Office as one of the 4 elements
of the God-level self, yet the attributions to the elements are
not discrete. Any system of attribution is just as valid as any
other. They all work, yet none of them works fully without the
others. When the Chalice of Ecstacy is functioning, one cannot
assume the Grade of Master, without also assuming the other 3
Grades as well. To be both dispersed in `the Abyss' & functioning
as an Ipsissimus is difficult for me to imagine (much less put
into words) from my `in-body' perspective. Yet, I know that such
is but a small part of the apparant contradictions which I must
resolve if I am to reify this initiatory cycle into my present
nexus of Space/Time/Alternity. In some ways, I wish I felt I
had sufficient `balance' to bring psychedelics to this Working.
But I do not. There are times (like now) that I am glad that
I have had the past-experience of such drugs, but I also know
that their application is not universal. I am like a spinning
top -- I am able to whirl faster & faster only in so far as I
am able to maintain balance. finis. |